Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Allah we will return.

My dear brother passed away unexpectedly. A tragic motorcycle accident took him. 

He’s the best of us three. He’s the most generous, the most modest, the most loving and most friendly. He’d make friend with everyone, rich, poor, old, young. He’d respect them equally. He’s that type of person who would give 5 dollars when he only had 6 dollars in his pocket. 

I admire how he always had the willingness to be always giving, even though he’s always in misery in secret. He’s the most devastated by the death of our mother when he’s only 9 years old. For this reason, I always wonder whether during his 28 years of life, has he ever been happy? Or has he ever really felt the loves we gave him? 

Amidst the pandemic, his funeral went smoothly. My parents and I went to Jakarta from Semarang safely. Fortunately, the funeral prayer was conducted in Jummah Prayer. A lot of friends and families came. Many offered us a place to stay. The most graceful thing is when he could be buried in the same grave with our mother, the one he’d always missed his whole life. Alhamdulillah.

You may consider me too naive, rude and a hypocrite. How could I mention lots of goodness amid the death of my own brother? For me, his burial ceremony just reflects how good he was as a person. 

I’ll tell you there are no words that can describe the sadness I feel. At the same time, I witness my parents and his soon-to-be wife suffer inconsolable pain. I witness his friends’, and our families’ bitter grief.

Right now, I can’t think anything else other than people’s sadness for his death and the chance that he may be worrying up there for having left the people whom he cares.

No one deserves to feel that way. My brother will continue to live in me, this way I’ll never forget him, this way he’ll be proud of me and also this way people will still feel his kindness even though he’s no longer exist in this world.  

We honor the lives who have passed away by making the most out of ours.

I miss you bang

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